I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
