so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
