oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
