The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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