Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
