Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
