i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All the doctor said was why
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
