she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
