Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
