things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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