He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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