I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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