So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
try to milk me bitch
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