I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
