Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Randomize
