is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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