Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
