If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
