Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
