No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
