i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
