Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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