I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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