It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just forgot I was standing up.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
