I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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