High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
