My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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