you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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