No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
