I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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