i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
