We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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