I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
