I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He did a backflip because drugs
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
