Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
