Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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