the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
