I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
