And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Two words: blizzard sex
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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