I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
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