I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
