i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
