I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
