I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
