my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
