He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
