last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
