He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
