What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
