Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
