I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
