Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
