party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
