How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
